***Do not read this if you have a closed minded and stubborn***

English Version

What do you say about Christians? What do you think of Christians? Is your religion better than Christianity? Or are you Christians, are you really Christian, or Christian is just a status?

Christians are evil. Christians are selfish. The Christian is proud. The proof? When others are troubled, they do not care. They do not show any real action. They do not spread the gospel as it should. When a problem occurs they choose silence. Does not do anything. And if there is a denial of these things, they must begin to be selfish, they begin to say, “We have prayed for it, we pray for it every day, all night long.” Sorry but for the layman it can not be proved in real. It could be just a bullshit in the mouth and the truth itself is not tested in real terms.

The Christian is hypocritical. Worship with all her fondness is like a concert. Go to the church with clothes like to take a walk to the mall. Follow various communal activities A, communion B, communion C. This service, that service. Postings to all social media are very spiritual. Always be familiar with meeting old friends by saying, “Hey friend, how are you? I pray for you, why do not you go to church anymore?” Want to show off, want to show to the people if the Christian is like this, like that. What difference did you make with the Pharisees?

Outside, Christians are many who cheat here and there in bussiness, many Christians who minister but still say harshly, moreover women! Duh! Tattooing here and there, piercing here and there. Smoking, free sex. Post photos that show off the body with sexy clothing. Is your clothes less material or what? Even less the young people, against the parents, cursing the parents, denied the command of your parents but when your boy/girlfriend who ordered you, you obey. Like a buffalo was stuck in his nose. Not a blessing. You become a stumbling block. Hating others, saying bad things about others behind them. What’s the difference between you and the worldly people?

It’s said you guys are taught not to steal, but you still like to steal a chance. It’s said you guys are taught not to covet the belongings of your neighbor, in fact you are competing to show off your luxury goods in social media because you’re envy. It’s said you guys are taught to honor your parents, the proof you guys still like against your parents, yell at your parents. It’s said you guys are taught not to pronounce false witness about each other, but how do you look like to gossip huh? It’s said you are taught that there can be no other gods in front of you, but you are still more of your own self-satisfaction, feeding your own ego, is not that called self-indulgence?

To me, you do not deserve to be called Christians. The Christian should be good, love his neighbor, care about the environment, be a blessing for the people around.

Yes, we are silent when faced with problems. We were silent because we realized that the war was not for us, but God was going to fight for us, that’s why we chose to pray. Praying can not be proved in reality because only us and God knows. The proof of prayer is only one, it’s time. The time that will prove when we really pray, earnestly pray.

It may be true, some of us ministry, join the fellowship just to satisfy ourselves, feed our ego, very very likely we also show off it. Why? We are humans, we also have the desire to be seen and honored by others.

Yes, sometimes we are selfish. Sometimes we forget ourselves, we do not remember who we are so often we harming ourselves. Though in our eyes it is seen as a jack to lift people’s eyes towards us. Actually it is just as embarrassing to us as Christians. Often we are not aware that these things become a stumbling block for others and maybe even for ourselves. We are sorry. Therefore, please remind us if we are not aware of who we are.

There are things you may need to know and be aware of. We are human. The Christian is a man. We are not gods, we are not goddesses. We can not satisfy your wishes. We are not the satisfiers of your wishes if you want good and righteous Christians. We also did not escape from mistakes. When we say that we are close to our Lord, that does not mean we have become good and righteous people with no blemishes and no sin at all. Even pastors must have made mistakes. We understand your view that you do not like it when we post something that spiritual one and then there is one of our words that hurt you. A speck of indigo could broken a pot of milk. And just because of that speck then you label us as hypocrites. We understand. I see. I accept if you think like that. It’s a risk we have to accept. Your view, that’s a risk we have to take as Christians.

We understand, we realize we have not become a good Christian. We realize we have not been a blessing to many people. If we can say, we are trees. We are still in the growing stage. Many branches and twigs to be cut, must be thrown away. We still need sunshine, need fertilizer and water. Maybe even some times we broke because the wind was so strong that we had to be re-planted from scratch. When we are fruitful, the fruit we produce is different. Some are sweet, some are sour, some are rather tasteless. People’s tastes are different. Some do not like sour, some do not like sweet. Not all the fruit we produce can be received by everyone’s tongue. Therefore, we try to improve ourselves and strive to be a good person. For that, we do need your views and inputs so that we can be introspective, we can fix ourselves. We are very thankful and grateful for all your input and ridicule. It becomes a motivation for us to be able to repay all things with love.

I’m a Christian. I’m not ashamed to say it. I’m proud to be a Christian. I am grateful to know and have the Father like Lord Jesus.

Indonesian Version

Apa tanggapan kalian mengenai orang Kristen? Apa pandangan kalian mengenai orang Kristen? Apakah agama kalian lebih baik dari agama Kristen? Atau kalian sebagai orang Kristen, apakah kalian benar-benar Kristen, atau Kristen hanyalah sebagai status semata?

Orang Kristen itu jahat. Orang Kristen itu egois. Orang Kristen itu sombong. Buktinya? Ketika orang lain sedang dirundung masalah, mereka tidak peduli. Mereka tidak menunjukan aksi nyata. Mereka tidak menyebarkan Injil seperti yang seharusnya dilakukan. Ketika ada masalah terjadi mereka memilih diam. Tidak melakukan apa-apa. Dan kalau ada sangkalan atas hal-hal tersebut, mereka pasti mulai egois, mereka mulai berkata, “Kami sudah mendoakan kok, kami berdoa untuk hal itu setiap hari, semalam suntuk.” Maaf saja namun bagi orang awam hal itu tidak bisa dibuktikan secara nyata. Bisa saja itu hanya koar-koar di mulut dan kebenarannya sendiri tidak teruji secara nyata.

Orang Kristen itu munafik. Ibadah dengan segala kemeriahannya seperti sedang konser. Pergi ke rumah ibadah dengan pakaian seperti mau jalan-jalan ke mall. Ikut berbagai kegiatan persekutuan A, persekutuan B, persekutuan C. Pelayanan ini, pelayanan itu. Postingan ke berbagai media sosial sungguh amat rohani. Sok akrab kalau bertemu kawan lama dengan mengatakan, “Hey kawan, apa kabar? Saya mendoakanmu loh, kenapa kamu tidak ibadah lagi?”. Ingin pamer, ingin menunjukan ke orang-orang awam kalau orang Kristen itu begini, begitu. Apa bedanya kalian dengan orang-orang Farisi?

Di luar, orang Kristen itu banyak yang menipu sana sini, banyak orang-orang Kristen yang pelayanan namun masih berkata kasar, apalagi perempuan! Duh! Tato sana sini, tindik sana sini. Merokok, seks bebas. Posting foto yang memamerkan badan dengan busana yang minim. Baju kalian ini kurang bahan apa bagaimana sih? Belum lagi anak mudanya, melawan orang tua, memaki orang tua, membantah perintah orang tua giliran pacar kalian yang suruh kalian, kalian nurut. Bagai kerbau dicocok hidungnya. Tidak menjadi berkat. Kalian menjadi batu sandungan. Membenci orang lain, mengatakan hal-hal yang jelek mengenai orang lain di belakangnya. Apa bedanya kalian dengan orang-orang duniawi?

Katanya kalian diajarkan untuk tidak mencuri, tapi kalian masih suka curi-curi kesempatan. Katanya kalian diajarkan untuk tidak mengingini barang milik sesama kalian, nyatanya kalian berlomba-lomba memamerkan barang mewah kalian di sosial media. Katanya kalian diajarkan untuk menghormati orang tua kalian, buktinya kalian masih suka melawan orang tua kalian, membentak orang tua kalian. Katanya kalian diajarkan untuk tidak mengucapkan saksi dusta tentang sesamanya, tapi kok kelihatannya kalian sangat suka bergosip ya? Katanya kalian diajarkan bahwa tidak boleh ada allah lain di hadapan kalian, tapi kalian masih lebih menomorsatukan kepuasan diri kalian sendiri, memberi makan ego kalian sendiri, bukankah itu namanya mengtuhankan diri kalian sendiri?

Bagi saya, kalian tidak pantas disebut orang Kristen. Orang Kristen itu harusnya baik, mengasihi sesamanya, peduli lingkungan sekitar, menjadi berkat buat orang sekitar.

Ya, kami diam ketika menghadapi masalah. Kami diam karena kami sadar, peperangan itu bukan untuk kami, tapi Tuhanlah yang akan berperang untuk kami, Itu mengapa kami memilih untuk berdoa. Berdoa memang tidak bisa dibuktikan secara nyata karena hanya diri kami dan Tuhan saja yang tahu. Pembuktian dari doa hanya satu, yaitu waktu. Waktu yang akan membuktikan bilamana kami benar-benar berdoa, bersungguh-sungguh berdoa.

Mungkin benar, sebagian dari kami pelayanan, ikut persekutuan hanya untuk memuaskan diri kami, memberi makan ego kami, sangat amat mungkin juga kami pamer akan hal itu. Kenapa? Kami manusia, kami juga memiliki keinginan untuk dipandang dan dilihat oleh orang lain.

Ya, terkadang kami egois. Terkadang kami lupa diri, kami tidak ingat siapa diri kami sehingga seringkali kami merugikan diri kami sendiri. Meskipun di mata kami hal itu terlihat sebagai dongkrak untuk menaikan pandangan orang-orang terhadap kami. Sebenarnya hal itu justru memalukan kami sebagai orang Kristen. Seringkali kami tidak sadar hal-hal itu justru menjadi batu sandungan bagi orang lain dan bahkan mungkin buat diri kami. Kami minta maaf. Karena itu, tolong ingatkan kami jika kami mulai tidak sadar dengan siapa kami ini sebenarnya.

Ada hal yang mungkin kalian perlu tahu dan sadari. Kami manusia. Orang Kristen manusia. Kami bukan dewa, kami bukan dewi. Kami tidak bisa memuaskan keinginan kalian semua. Kami bukan pemuas keinginan kalian kalau kalian mau orang Kristen yang baik dan benar. Kami juga tak luput dari yang namanya kesalahan. Ketika kami mengatakan kalau kami dekat dengan Tuhan kami, bukan berarti kami sudah menjadi orang yang baik dan benar tanpa cacat cela dan tidak melakukan dosa sama sekali. Pendeta sekali pun pasti pernah melakukan kesalahan. Kami mengerti pandangan kalian bahwa kalian tidak suka bila kami memposting ini itu yang rohani sekali lalu ternyata ada salah satu omongan kami yang menyakiti hati kalian. Nila setitik rusak susu sebelanga. Dan hanya karena nila setitik itulah lalu kalian mencap kami sebagai orang yang munafik. Kami mengerti. Saya mengerti. Saya menerima bila kalian beranggapan seperti itu. Itu resiko yang harus kami terima. Pandangan dari kalian, itu memang resiko yang harus kami tanggung sebagai orang Kristen.

Kami mengerti, kami sadar kami belum menjadi orang Kristen yang baik. Kami sadar kami belum menjadi berkat bagi banyak orang. Kalau boleh diibaratkan, kami ini pohon. Kami masih dalam tahap bertumbuh. Banyak cabang dan ranting yang harus dipotong, harus dibuang. Kami masih memerlukan sinar matahari, memerlukan pupuk dan air. Bahkan mungkin beberapa kali kami patah karena diterpa angin yang sangat kencang sehingga kami harus ditanam ulang dari awal. Ketika kami sudah berbuah, buah yang kami hasilkan berbeda-beda. Ada yang manis, ada yang asam, ada yang agak hambar. Selera orang berbeda. Ada yang tidak suka asam, ada yang tidak suka manis. Tidak semua buah yang kami hasilkan bisa diterima lidah setiap orang. Maka dari itu, kami mencoba untuk memperbaiki diri dan berusaha untuk menjadi orang yang baik. Untuk itu kami memang perlu pandangan dan masukan dari kalian supaya kami bisa mawas diri, kami bisa membenahi diri kami sendiri. Kami sangat berterimakasih dan bersyukur atas segala masukan dan cemoohan kalian. Hal itu menjadi motivasi bagi kami untuk bisa membalas segala hal tersebut dengan kasih.

Aku orang Kristen. Aku tidak malu untuk mengatakannya. Aku bangga menjadi orang Kristen. Aku bersyukur bisa mengenal dan punya Bapa seperti Tuhan Yesus.

***If you have any questions or any inputs, comment below or contact me via Instagram @yohannaajaah***


*How much I miss writing, have been busy these days, lack of idea, a bit of stress, and many more, but I’ve made it again today! Here we go… sorry for bad grammar btw*

I’m failed. Again. For the second time. In the same lecturer, same courses. Huft… I wanna breathe a long breath. I keep blaming the teacher, because I feel so confident and sure I can get through this, but sadly it doesn’t work as I wanted it to use to be. However, when I asked myself, what do I do during this courses, I realize. It was my fault. It was me, not the lecturer. Yes I can, it’s true I could master this lessons, and the cause of failure is my behavior along this course. Maximizing the absent ration, cheat homework, sleep during class. If I’m diligent, I won’t be failed.


For the first I feel very bad, disappointed, sad. But, hey! I learn something from this incident. Not all failure, means to knock you down. In odd moments, you have to failed first to success. Because you never realize what’s wrong with you. Like me, I realize what is my fault, accept it, and then learn from that mistakes. I shouldn’t be like that, I should be like this. Besides, I got a benefit, I must learn this class again which means 3 times, and the others only one. That’s mean I could dominate this courses more than the others. (Think the positive side, if you always think the negative side, you will stuck in the same place and never go forward.)


Some people just quit after every failure. They won’t try again, try again, until they success. I tell you this, Thomas Edison failed 1,000 times, and the 1,001 the light bulb worked! And the amazing things, he said “I didn’t fail 1,000 times. The light bulb was an invention with 1,000 steps.”


Failure is a stepping stone to achieving success. Once you have failed, you need to get up and try again. Failure doesn’t mean you’re worse than others, it’s mean you just reach success a little bit late than others. Successful people must have failed, many times. If you achieve the success easily, it isn’t a success.

stepping stone

Be careful when you always succeed, life isn’t that easy. Don’t chase perfection. You will be very very upset if you failed. Perfectionist people can’t accept failure. They must know that failure will bring them to success, you can’t ever see success if you’re not passing a failure.


I hope, everybody could understand, failure isn’t mean the worlds end. You have to get up, and try again, use the past experiences as a lesson. So that you can be successful person and have a positive effect to the people around you. Be though! 🙂

be though

A Message from Intro(Ambi)vert Person — Pesan dari Seorang Intro(Ambi)vert

English Version

I do not understand why so many people consider that being an introvert is such a bad thing. Assuming we are incapable of making friends, socializing, initiating conversations, and the worst part is not being able to grow in the future especially in the world of work if we are constantly shutting ourselves from the outside world, from the social environment.

We need to emphasize, that we do not close ourselves from the association. We are not incapable of socializing, or starting a conversation. We are different from you, and being different does not mean we are worse than you. It’s just the way we making friends, socialize different with you. Maybe you can easily start a conversation with someone you have not known, or at least try to get into a social environment. But not so with us.

We (I mean myself), need to think at least twice to really decide whether getting acquainted with the person or group has a match with us. There is a saying: “Enter the lions’ den to become a lion, enter the sheepfold to be a sheep”. The point is our ability to adapt to a new environment that we enter. Take a good look, we’re not not adaptable, but we prefer not to get into that environment if we do not feel comfortable in that environment. Or if it is very, very forced, we would prefer to silence a thousand languages. Those are the things that become our name. Lack of friends, nerds, anti social, etc. Sometimes I feel annoyed when told or forced to mingle in an environment I already know. The problem is I feel very, very uncomfortable being among those people. I know these people, and they also know me, maybe they claim they know me that they really do not know me personally. What they may know is what they have seen from the outside and draw their own conclusions from it. I do not like to be forced like that especially when added with the words, “Someday you will need them.” Honestly maybe they will need me someday but believe me I would prefer to ask for help from people I do not know (institutions) than them. Somehow I can think like that.

For us, we’d better have one friend who knows us very well and we believe instead of having thousands of friends who do not really know us, and then stabbing us in the back. Even at certain moments we prefer ourselves. We are not typical people who like to tell all the events we’ve experienced on everyone we meet. Especially for me personally (ambivert that is leaning towards introvert), I will only tell the story of everyday occurrences, but not with personal events. We had our own ‘space’. When we encounter problems we tend to be silent and choose to sneak in our own sadness. In my case, I will write down my whole grief, my sadness to a book. (Note to true introverts, whatever your problem, you have to have something to deal with your problems, otherwise it would be fatal to your mental health.) Sometimes in certain circumstances we do not need others. Precisely with the presence of others, it actually makes us feel disturbed, makes us feel uncomfortable and reluctant to be honest when asked why. We need our own ‘personal space’. And we hope no one passes by. It may be different from an extrovert person who can easily tell the truth, telling all his friends. We are able to recover ourselves in our personal scope.

On several occasions I’d love to shout to those who say that I should open up, “You do not know anything about me!” I find it very objectionable to be forced to start a conversation or mingle in a certain new group. We just feel that not everyone can be trusted. It’s hard to find people who are truly sincere with us. There are some people who purposely approached us just to take advantage of us alone. And to us, these people can not be trusted. So more precisely we are careful in choosing friends. We see from various side, how life of that person, we do not want to misstep. For us, if anyone ever really believes and then disappoints us, it’s impossible to believe it again. Not that we do not believe in our closest friends. We believe, but the things we are entrusting are not personal things that when it comes to leaking can embarrass our name. Some of the people we trust about things that are very sensitive about our personal, the person is very great. They made it into our scope, but coming back does not mean all the personal things we entrust to them.

Still do not understand? I will illustrate by preaching I have heard. We are like a house. There are 5 scopes we have.     

  1. Outside the fence: the people outside our fences are the only people we allow to see us from the outside. They know nothing about us at all.     
  2. On the porch: they allowed us to enter the front of the house, but only on the terrace, just looking around our front yard, without us allowing entry into the house. These people greeted us, talked to us a number of times but were limited to that.     
  3. In the guest room: it’s pretty good when these guys get into the living room. These people know us well enough, and do not hesitate to joke with us, these guys know a little about our background and we often talk to just a little chat.
  4. In the living room / family / kitchen / dining room: very, very few people really get into this living room. Because this is where we can begin to open up, we may often vent, talk about the problem, very very close, often walk together, not awkward anymore, and others.
  5. In room: room is a private room, a place where we keep our various secrets. And I personally are the ones who keep so many secrets. I do not know how you guys introverts or other ambivert set it up but only less than 5 people have ever entered my ‘room’. And those people I got from my ‘room’ because they were not enough I believed to be in my personal space. Some of them I was quite surprised because they were not the ones who could make me believe in them. So now the room is just me and God. My advice to all of you, regardless you introvert, ambivert, extrovert or do not care at all about it, keep your ‘room’ well. Do not let someone who is not responsible and do not know yourself to steal your valuables and spread it to the world.

You will not know how it feels to be a intro(ambi)vert if you have never been a intro(ambi)vert. Do not be knowledgeable.

*Sorry for my bad grammar.*

Indonesian version

Aku tidak mengerti mengapa begitu banyak orang menganggap bahwa menjadi seorang introvert adalah hal yang begitu buruk. Dengan anggapan bahwa kami tidak mampu bergaul, bersosialisasi, memulai percakapan, dan bagian terburuknya adalah tidak mampu berkembang di masa depan khususnya di dunia kerja bila kami terus menerus menutup diri dari dunia luar, dari lingkungan pergaulan yang ada.

Perlu kami tekankan, bahwa kami tidak menutup diri dari pergaulan. Kami bukannya tidak mampu bergaul,  bersosialisasi, atau memulai percakapan. Kami berbeda dengan kalian, dan menjadi berbeda bukan berarti kami lebih buruk dari kalian. Hanya saja, cara kami bergaul, bersosialisasi berbeda dengan kalian. Mungkin kalian bisa dengan mudahnya memulai suatu percakapan dengan orang yang belum sama sekali kalian kenal, atau setidaknya berusaha untuk masuk ke dalam suatu lingkungan pergaulan. Namun tidak demikian dengan kami.

Kami (saya maksudnya), perlu berpikir setidaknya dua kali untuk benar-benar memutuskan apakah berkenalan dengan orang atau kelompok tersebut memiliki kecocokan dengan kami. Ada pepatah mengatakan “Masuk kandang singa jadi singa, masuk kandang domba jadi domba“. Maksudnya adalah kemampuan kita untuk beradaptasi dengan suatu lingkungan baru yang kami masuki. Perhatikan baik-baik, kami bukannya tidak bisa beradaptasi, tapi kami lebih memilih untuk tidak masuk ke dalam lingkungan tersebut bila kami memang merasa tidak nyaman berada dalam lingkungan tersebut. Atau bila sangat-sangat terpaksa, kami akan lebih memilih untuk diam seribu bahasa. Hal-hal itulah yang kemudian menjadi sebutan bagi kami. Kuper, kutu buku, ansos, dsb. Kadang saya merasa kesal bila disuruh atau dipaksa untuk berbaur dalam suatu lingkungan yang sudah saya kenal. Masalahnya adalah saya merasa sangat-sangat tidak nyaman berada diantara orang-orang tersebut. Saya tahu orang-orang tersebut, dan mereka juga tahu saya, mungkin mereka mengklaim mereka mengenal saya yang sesungguhnya mereka tidak mengenal saya secara pribadi. Apa yang mungkin mereka kenal adalah apa yang selama ini mereka lihat dari luar dan menarik kesimpulan sendiri dari hal tersebut. Saya tidak suka jika dipaksa seperti itu apalagi bila ditambah dengan perkataan, “Suatu hari kamu akan membutuhkan mereka.” Jujur saja mungkin mereka akan kubutuhkan suatu hari nanti tapi percayalah saya akan lebih memilih meminta bantuan orang-orang yang tidak saya kenal (lembaga-lembaga) ketimbang mereka. Entah mengapa saya bisa berpikir seperti itu.

Bagi kami, lebih baik kami memiliki satu orang teman yang sangat amat mengenal kami dan kami percaya daripada memiliki beribu-ribu teman yang tidak terlalu mengenal kami, apalagi sampai menusuk kami dari belakang. Bahkan di saat-saat tertentu pun kami lebih memilih sendiri. Kami bukan tipikal orang yang senang menceritakan semua kejadian-kejadian yang kami alami pada setiap orang yang kami temui. Khusus untuk saya pribadi (ambivert yang condong ke arah introvert), saya hanya akan menceritakan kejadian basa-basi yang terjadi sehari-hari, tapi tidak dengan kejadian-kejadian yang bersifat pribadi. Kami memiliki ‘ruang’ kami sendiri. Ketika kami menghadapi masalah kami cenderung diam dan memilih menyipan sendiri kesedihan itu. Dalam kasus saya, saya akan menuliskan seluruh kekesalah saya, kesedihan saya pada sebuah buku. (Catatan untuk para introvert sejati, apapun masalah kalian, kalian harus memiliki suatu hal sebagai penyalur masalah kalian, kalau tidak akan berakibat sangat fatal bagi kesehatan mental kalian.) Kadang dalam kondisi tertentu kami tidak membutuhkan orang lain. Justru dengan adanya kehadiran orang lain, hal tersebut malah membuat kami merasa terganggu, membuat kami merasa risih dan enggan untuk berterus terang bila ditanya kenapa. Kami membutuhkan ‘ruang pribadi’ kami sendiri. Dan kami berharap tidak ada yang melewatinya. Mungkin berbeda dengan orang ekstrovert yang bisa dengan mudahnya berterus terang, bercerita pada seluruh teman-temannya. Kami mampu memulihkan diri kami sendiri dalam ruang lingkup pribadi kami.

Dalam beberapa kesempatan saya ingin sekali rasanya berteriak kepada orang-orang yang mengatakan bahwa saya ini harus membuka diri, “Kalian tidak tahu apa-apa tentangku!” Saya merasa amat sangat keberatan bila dipaksa untuk memulai percakapan atau berbaur dalam suatu kelompok baru tertentu. Kami hanya merasa bahwa tidak semua orang bisa kami percayai. Sulit sekali menemukan orang yang benar-benar tulus terhadap kita. Ada beberapa orang yang sengaja mendekati kita hanya untuk memanfaatkan kita semata. Dan bagi kami, orang-orang tersebut tidak bisa dipercaya. Jadi lebih tepatnya kami ini berhati-hati dalam memilih teman. Kami melihat dari berbagai sisi, bagaimana kehidupan orang tersebut, kami tidak mau sampai salah langkah. Bagi kami, bila sampai ada orang yang benar-benar kami percaya lalu ternyata mengecewakan kami, itu rasanya mustahil untuk memercayainya lagi. Bukan berarti kami tidak percaya pada teman-teman terdekat kami. Kami percaya, namun hal-hal yang kami percayakan bukan hal-hal yang bersifat pribadi yang bila sampai bocor dapat memalukan nama kami. Beberapa orang yang kami percayakan mengenai hal-hal yang sangat sensitif mengenai hal pribadi kami, orang tersebut sangat hebat. Mereka berhasil masuk dalam ruang lingkup kami, tapi kembali bukan berarti semua hal pribadi kami percayakan pada mereka.

Masih belum paham? Saya akan ilustrasikan berdasarkan khotbah yang pernah saya dengar. Kita ini bagaikan rumah. Ada 5 ruang lingkup yang kami miliki.

  1. Di luar pagar : orang-orang yang berada di luar pagar rumah kami adalah orang-orang yang hanya kami ijinkan melihat kami dari luar saja. Mereka sama sekali tidak tahu apa-apa tentang kami.
  2. Di teras rumah : mereka kami ijinkan masuk ke area depan rumah, namun hanya sebatas berada di teras saja, hanya melihat-lihat pekarangan depan kami, tanpa kami ijinkan masuk ke dalam rumah. Orang-orang ini bertegur sapa dengan kami, beberapa kali bercakap-cakap dengan kami namun hanya sebatas itu.
  3. Di ruang tamu : cukup hebat bila orang-orang ini bisa masuk sampai ke ruang tamu. Orang-orang ini cukup mengenal kami, dan tidak sungkan untuk bercanda dengan kami, orang-orang ini sedikit mengetahui latar belakang kami dan sering kami ajak ngobrol untuk sekedar basa-basi.
  4. Di ruang tengah/keluarga/dapur/ruang makan : sangat-sangat sedikit sekali orang yang benar-benar mampu masuk ke dalam ruang tengah ini. Karena disinilah kami bisa mulai membuka diri, kami mungkin sering curhat, bercerita mengenai masalah yang ada, sangat amat dekat sekali, sering jalan-jalan bersama, tidak canggung-canggung lagi, dan lainnya.
  5. Di kamar : kamar adalah ruang pribadi, tempat dimana kami menyimpan berbagai macam rahasia kami. Dan saya pribadi adalah orang yang menyimpan begitu banyak rahasia. Saya tidak tahu bagaimana kalian para introvert atau ambivert lain mengaturnya tapi hanya kurang dari 5 orang yang pernah memasuki ‘kamar’ saya. Dan orang-orang tersebut saya depak dari ‘kamar’ saya karena ternyata mereka tidak cukup saya percaya untuk berada di dalam ruang pribadi saya. Beberapa di antaranya saya cukup kaget karena ternyata mereka bukanlah orang yang mampu membuat saya percaya pada mereka. Jadi kini ruangan tersebut hanya ada saya dan Tuhan. Saran saya pada kalian semua, terlepas kalian introvert, ambivert, ekstrovert atau tidak peduli sama sekali akan hal itu, jagalah ‘kamar’ kalian baik-baik. Jangan sampai seseorang yang tidak bertanggung jawab dan tidak tahu diri datang mencuri barang-barang berharga kalian dan menyebarluaskannya pada dunia.

Kalian tidak akan tahu rasanya menjadi seorang intro(ambi)vert kalau kalian tidak pernah menjadi seorang intro(ambi)vert. Jangan sok tahu.


Happiness Too Fast

Have you ever imagine why happiness is fleeting too fast and bad thing is prolonged? Example, a rain can stay for a days but after that, a rainbow only awhile. Okay it’s natural phenomena. How about a daily life things? Like when you eat much of chocolates, if you like chocolate, you’re happy right? But that “happy” it’s just a moment, do you know you can get diabetes if you eat too much chocolate? And you can have diabetes for a years. Maybe a whole of your entire life. So can you see now? Can you understand that?


Source : Google

I’m thinking of this. A lot. It’s annoy my mind. But happiness can stay in your life for the very long time. And note, this only happen 1:1000000000000 in the worlds. If you see, there’s more suffering people than happy people. Why so many people did suicide? Why so many people ended up in jail because of murder, corruption, or fighting maybe? Why there’s so many hate comments on all over social media? Why so many people ‘proud’ to ended up as a bad person? Why so many people enjoy being a bad person?


Source : Pinterest

TBH, I ever being a bad person. In my young age (still young age now lol) I do a lot of bad things. I enjoy that, and addicted to do that, but when God slap me I realized. It’s not fun. At all. And that things has a very bad impact to the future of myself. And that’s all is a bad things.


Source Google

I repent from all of that and trying to be a good people. At least I’m inconvenience myself. And I realize since that, why happiness is fleeting too fast. Happiness isn’t fleeting too fast. Because happiness it’s not a problem. It’s us. It’s our self. We’re not grateful for what we have. We only complaining and focus on bad things. That’s why happiness feels like fleeting so fast. I test you know, what do you think about this picture? Is there any good things from this picture?


Source : Superlemer

If you say NO, then you should make up your mind, change the way you think, be positive. For me, that picture have a good thing. Don’t focus to 90% stress. See that you still have 10% human. Even is there just a 1% chance to good thing, that’s mean you still had a chance! Be grateful even you don’t have an iPhone! There’s a lot of kids in hinterland of Africa starving. I hope you got the message that I want to share. If there any things make you flurry, feel free to comment below. Have a great Passover weeks!


Source : Youtube

I Don’t Have A Home

Do you have a house? I grew up and live in a house. I never been a vagrant or kind like that. Well I can’t imagine how I living on the street. Sleep on the sidewalk, don’t have any clothes to change, don’t have a blanket on a cold night, waiting for people sympathy to give me some money or foods.

Source : Google

But have you ever wonder, that people who are homeless does have a home?

Source : Google

House and home are such a different thing. House is the building where you can live comfortly and fullfill your physical needs. But home is not about the building. Home is a situation, a condition, the atmosphere of a place, can it make you comfortable? Or you feel uncomfortable? Because a home must be comfortable. Comfortable in here means your feeling, your heart. Not your physical.

Source : Google

And I wondering, if the homeless people don’t have a house, do they had a home? A place that make them feel comfortable, loved, even they doesn’t have any house? 

Source : Google

I should say that I’m not grateful for my house. I mean, I do have a house, but I don’t have a home. Not in this time, not in this world. I feel like I don’t have a home. Yes you can say I’m not grateful for what I have. I’m grateful for a house, where it can be my shelter, my comfy at cold night, place to eat and clean up my self, a lot of clothing.But I don’t feel a home at my house. And I’m sure there are much people who feel the same as I do. 

Source : Google

I’ve ever feel like my home is just like hell. I don’t even wanna go home. But if I don’t, the hell will become 10 times more hotter. And I don’t have any other shelter. That was an old story. But still now, until right now I never feel a home. Anywhere in this world. Maybe someday I’ll fell I have a home. Idk. Please just slap me for being ungrateful.

Source : Google

I have a dream, that I want to make myself a home! For homeless people. I mean people who doesn’t have a home, rather they have a house or not. And I think it would be nice if we could be a home for other people, but make sure you already had a home first.

Source : Google

About Future

I’m afraid. Afraid of being lonely, afraid of rejected, afraid about people’s opinion, afraid of losing, afraid of everything. I’m afraid about the future.

I keep thinking of positive things that could happen but my emotion is on the melancholy mode this time. I can’t focus on something. Everytime I tried to focus my mind is just like peoples in train station passing by. Crowded. And I can’t choose one because eveything move too fast. 

Everyday I pray that God gives me a new hope, new spirit, and new life. But it’s just, I’m just afraid of the future. I keep thinking about the future. Trying to create story on my mind. Creating a happy ending fairy tale story. But life is not always happy ending and life is not a fairy tale…

I think my heart is control my mind now, because when I screaming on my mind,”Focus! You need to focus! Don’t daydreaming!”. But then a sad story that I created comes up in my mind. I don’t know why I thinking that because I never hope that kind of thoughts comes up in my mind or even worse comes up in my life. 

When I was a little I come to therapist because my mom says I have ADHD (search it in google if you don’t know). And the therapist says that kids like me is really hard to concentration and when I already concentration but there is something annoy my concentration, everything is scattered and it’s really hard to build up the concentration again. And it happens until now. It’s really hard to focus on something, you know.

But something just reminds me that I don’t need to worry about the future. God has already preapare it for me, and you, and all the people in this world. I’m afraid to face the future and thinking too much, I just don’t realize that all this time God is walk with me. He is beside me. So I know now, if that scared things mess up again in my mind I just need to remember that God always beside me so I can focus on the present time. 

Maybe there is no one in real life to cheer me up but I don’t know why everytime I remember God is beside me, I smile.


WhoAa its over than a year since my first post. Many things happens and many things changes. Times goes by so fast. People come and goes. A year added to your age. Any many more.

First, I wanted to do a blog is because I need a place to share my thoughts, my feelings. And then, came the idea to write some motivation blog. I’m not a motivator, I’m just the same like other ordinary girl. I’m not popular, I’m not pretty, I’m not even rich. But I think people need motivation. So then I come up with this blog.

Many things already happens since this one year. Some of things became so complicated at the moment. But some of them just stay like it’s way. I do write some post when I’m on my lowest level at my life and how do I survived that.

If any of you wondering how can I write this kinda motivation, what is my inspiration, believe or not I actually write all those motivation things base on my daily problems. I really want to share my problems but then I think how if it was other people who feel that way. What will I say to them? What will I do to make their mood up again? And then comes the idea and all motivation I wrote. Because I’m sure some of you may have the same experience with me and don’t know what to do or just give up with the situation. And I simply share this motivation for you who ever feel the same.

By the way, I’m super busy these days. I’ll make sure I’ll upload more blogs. Hehe. Thank you for all of you who read this. I pray wherever you are, you guys have a great day, have a great moments, and God bless you all the way! 

Forgiving and Loving part 3

This is the last part. You know exactly how to forgive and love yourself. So do it the same to other people. Easy huh? Ok this post is end right here.

Nope. I’m just kidding hahahaha. It’s not as easy as that. Need much confident and courage in your tiny heart. Especially if that person is someone you hated or ever hurted you. Nah, it’s impossible. You think so? I don’t. Anything is possible if you trust yourself. 

Everytime you see someone that you hated or hurted you, keep telling yourself “I do forgive (name), and I do love (name).” Repeat as much as you feel something prop your heart. I’ve tried it too. It works! So if that doesn’t work to you, maybe you’re not trust yourself enough. 

Don’t hold it. Let it go. Let your heart free. I know the process make you sick but it just only the process. After that you’ll feel free. Other than you hold it and keep it in your heart, it will haunted you for all of your life. Or maybe it will affect to your future. So the choice is in your hand. Let it go and sick now or hold it and keep it and haunted for the rest of your life? Well, I choose to let it go and sick now. 

Do you know karma? But I don’t believe karma. I believe sows and reaps law. What are you sow, that’s all what you reap. Maybe you’re not reap what tou sow but maybe other people that you love. So, I suggest you to let it go. Be smart 😉

Forgiving and Loving part 2

After you learn how to love yourself, it’s time to forgive yourself. 

First you must accept you for who you are. It’s a different thing with loving yourself. Example, you got accident because you drive too fast and you got injured your legs that made you paralyzed. Nah, don’t blame yourself. In this example, you’ve got paralyzed because of your own act. Because of event in the past. You must accept your condition now and forgive yourself of what you’ve done. What happen in the past is already in the past. We cannot change the past so you must forgive yourself. And if your friends have something bad in the past, do not remind them as something that blaming them. You got what I mean?

We live in the present. What we gotta do is preapare for the future. We live for future, not for the past. I’m not saying that you have to forget what in the past. No, it’s not like that. Event in the past is used to be motivation and lesson in the present and future. So if somebody used that for blaming each others or dragging down each others, man, you are the worst. You’re being stumbling block to each others. Or even you used the past as gossip, or you avoid that person, well you’re also the worst.

Remember, we live in the present for the future. Not for the past. 

What’s the signs that we’re already forgive ourself? It’s we remember the past with a joyful heart. If we still remember with anger, revenge, that’s mean we’re not forgiving ourself yet. And everything is possible if we trust ourself. So, be brave, stay strong, and always pray.

Forgiving and Loving part 1

After all these days and what happened, I learn to rise up and face the reality that is we cannot change the past. We’re not Dormmamu and Dormmamu aren’t exist btw. 

We live in the present, what are in the past is over. And I’m telling whoever you, reading this, do not pry the past. Even it’s yours or someone else that you hate. Just continue the life that we live today. Be ready to face tomorrow.

What I wanna share is, before I could forgive someone, I must to forgive myself. I must to love myself first, then I’ll know how to love someone truthfully and know how to forgive someone without remember what they’ve done to us.

First, we must love ourself. How do we know if we love ourself or not? Sometimes, people valued theirself too low. Example, when you already learn all night to pass your exam but the day you became nervous and sweating and what you’ve told to yourself is just “I can’t do this.”, and after that you told yourself “I think I will failed this time. I don’t even understand the essay! The question is too weird, we’ve never learned that before!”. If you ever do that, that’s mean you valued yourself too low and on the other side you blame other aspects that supposed to be your obstacle that you must pass it! 

And another simple example is, you are jealous to someone else that you think more pretty, more smart, and more popular than you! Hey, now I told you that isn’t the important things. And do this right now: take a deep breathe and say this loudly “I am pretty/handsome! I am special! I am smart! I am unique! And I’m only one on this planet earth so that’s mean nobody like me and I wanna be myself! I won’t be like that someone who is pretty, smart, and popular because I am me! And I’m proud to be myself! And God’s loves me.” Consider that now as your motivation every single time you feel you’re not better in anything than anyone else. 

Now, build a mindset in your head that you can do this! You can do this! You can do this! You can do this! And that’s the way to love yourself! Don’t let the negative minds comes to you! Collapse them all!

Spend more time to be grateful rather than complain.